What My Charlotte's Web Paper Would Look Like If It Was Written By My Roomate

So I have a paper due in approximately 9 hours and 8 minutes on Charlotte's web. Roomie thought she'd be a doll and do it for me, since I was oh so busy studying for the exam I have tomorrow, she also decided that she needed to adapt her language to make sure it sounded like I wrote it, when I asked her if she was writing it as if I wrote it or as if I spoke it, she just giggled. Upon sitting down at my computer, the following is what I discovered upon the screen:

Charlotte’s Web is an awesome story. Like totally awesome. Plus a PINK pig. I mean c’mon pink is like the coolest color ever. (If only other people felt that way, then the world would be a better place to live in.) But anyways, there’s this pig named Wilber who is like a runt. Fern’s father really wanted to kill Wilbur, but who could do that to a precious little piggy. I mean, I’m not going to touch one of those dirty things, but they’re pink. Why kill something pink?!?!? Anyways, Fern goes on a crying spree and like protects Wilbur from the axe. That is like so cute. I would protect my kitties from anything. They are so cuddly and cute. I love to pick up the baby kitties and pet them so much. Anyways, Wilbur becomes Fern’s new pet. She took him to school once (or was that just the movie), well he was a ruckus just trying to stay hidden inside her desk. He must go live at the Zuckerman’s farm. I mean it’s not that harsh because she still gets to see him like every day, but he’s not at home with her. I mean, like what if my kitties had to go live at another house. Oh noes, I would just cry a million tears. Like the time I broke my brush and ahhhh… so sad. I have to get a new one. Anyways, long story short. Wilbur becomes friends with a spider named Charlotte. Eww I hate spiders. If I see one, I call one of the boys to come down and kill it. Anyways, Charlotte wants people to really like Wilbur, so she writes “catch phrases” about Wilbur in her web. It’s so adorable. She like writes, or er sews? Words like “Radiant Pig” and “Some Pig”. Oh gosh. Everyone from everywhere comes to see this pig. Pig goes to fair. La did a do. The End.

(and yes, that was only in the movie)